red carpet interviews by janice dickenson...

The Emmy Nominations were announced today, and as I think I may have mentioned my occasional viewing of a variety of high brow programming, I thought I’d offer my own awards list. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Bethies.
This year’s host, Dog, Bounty Hunter recently presented the coveted Bethie (a bust of my bust) to the following recipients:

Best Performance by a Male in a Comedy Series:
Anderson Cooper reporting on anything
(he accepted his award in a fur lined Prada parka.)

Best Appearance on Oprah:
Nate Berkus, the tsunami episode

Best New Gay on Television:
Tim Gunn
(Tim regrettably couldn’t attend as he was learning German. Santino accepted in Tim’s voice.)

Best Hair and Make-Up:
The Cast of Dog, Bounty Hunter

Best Costume Design:
The Cast of Dog Bounty Hunter

(At this point, Dog became confused as they employ no hair, make-up or costuming crew.)

Best New Reality Show:
Top Chef

Elizabeth Spots Award for Sheer Adorableness, presented to one television actor annually who exemplifies everything I find totally hot:
Jim from The Office

Most Annoying Person in the History of Television:
Katie Joel
(perpetually confused, she gave a tearful and sadly, heartfelt speech)

Best Television Hook-up:
Josh and Donna on The West Wing

Best Local News Appearance(s):
San Francisco Mayor, Gavin Newsom

Most Appalling But Wonderful Television Show:
My Super Sweet Sixteen

Break for Musical Number by Matt LeBlanc and 5 Chimps dressed as the remaining characters from Friends singing “I’ll be there for you (I’ll even work for scale)”

Show Beth wishes was still on Television:
Murphy Brown

Best Performance in a Local Commercial:
Dr. Jang and Associates

Best Performance by a Gay Playing a Straight:
Jonathan Antin

Best Performance by a Psychic Medium on The Montel Williams Show:
Sylvia Browne
(Sylvia accepted her award in her leopard print caftan and crazy nails, and then announced that anyone with the letter “S” in their name should stay away from horse drawn carriages.)

And Finally,

Best Overall Moment on Television:
Barbara Walters verbally Bitch-slapping Star Jones on The View